Hello, Alcohol
by MuchaLuchaAndMe
Summary: The ability to taste is given to the robots, but how will EVE react when she discovers something called 'Beer? Man, that woman can't hold a drink. ONESHOT, WEIRD WARNING!


**Yes, I have made another WALL-E FanFic. But this one is not a love story. Oh no, this one is more or less what happens when I stay up to two in the morning and get up at like… six and start writing in the dark while chatting with a friend on AIM. Oh, and Netbug (If you're reading this) I apologize for any mistakes I may have done on this story. I read through this thing twice, and I can't know if I edited it right or now…**

**Disclaimer: WALL-E belongs to PIXAR studios, and this story is mine.**

**Oh, and I love Disney for not wanting to do this movie. Because then they couldn't destroy it in anyway! :D**

--

John was a genius- No-wait. He was a god. His scientific abilities were beyond anyone, and no one could understand how or why. And out of the kindness of his heart, he gave the ability of 'taste' to robots. It was difficult to do, but he wanted them to have it, and to try it out, and see if they liked it or not. If they did, they could keep it; if they didn't, they can come back and get it removed. But there was a little side affect. Whatever feeling humans could get from trying something, the robots could feel the exact same thing.

That includes drinks.

WALL-E wasn't the only robot that went around 'eating' things. I mean, he can't actually eat anything since he doesn't have a mouth, so John made it so he could just stick his finger into the food and his programming would brake it down, and would 'eat' it in a sense. EVE was just like him, though. She kept trying different things, and every time she felt a spark of enjoyment. Indeed, both she and WALL-E were having a grand time. And when it became night, they didn't want the day to end.

For two days this went on for _every_ robot, except for AUTO, whom was presumed shut off. And it started slowing down, because everyone had been able to taste pretty much everything. But as WALL-E and EVE were going home for the night, EVE saw a can of some sort of drink that she hadn't seen before. WALL-E didn't notice her sneak into the ally-way of which a homeless man slept, and take the can from his hand.

"Bud li-ite?" She tried to speak, and found it hard. WALL-E's quirks were starting to become her quirks. She guessed they really **did** spend a lot of time together… EVE popped the can open, and proceeded to dunk her finger in it. It tasted nasty, but she couldn't seem to stop. And eventually, she had 'drunk' it all up. She felt nothing at first, but then her world seemed to change around her. And she liked it.

--

WALL-E nervously watched "Hello, Dolly". He had lost EVE. How could he have lost EVE? She was right next to him a few moments ago. And now she'll probably come home, steamed, as she often did when he screwed up. He wasn't sure what to do. _Go after her?_ No… if she came home and he wasn't there, she probably get even madder then she already was. _…Wait here and hopes she doesn't kill me?_ It seemed like the best option. I mean really, what could she possibly do to him? It's not like she hates him.

Then the door to his truck home opened and closed. WALL-E turned in surprise, and saw EVE. He was scared that she was mad, but relaxed when he saw her smiling. She floated in, but something was off about her. Her body was slouched, and she was moving in odd patterns, not the usual smooth straight path she takes to go forward. She looked… off balance.

"E-EVA?" She fell over slightly, and he tried to catch her, but she didn't need it. EVE merely giggled and leaned close to his face.

"Hee hee, heeyyyyy." Her words were slurred, and her voice was strangely… giddy. "What'cha dooooooin'?" This defiantly caught WALL-E off guard. A sentence? How? _When?_

"EVA?" He attempted to touch her face, but she pulled away just seconds before his hand made contact and floated over to the small I-Pod which played WALL-Es favorite movie.

""Hello, Dolly" _again_? Gosh, you're so boring." EVE poked the machine harshly, causing it to fall over. WALL-E freaked and rushed over, trying to fix the tiny machine. EVE then went to where the Rubix Cube stayed. It was halfway solved, and EVE just grabbed it, and dangled it. Almost like she was waiting for something to come out of it. WALL-E rolled over to her, and watched her do nothing but that for a few minutes. Then she calmly grabbed one of the sides and twisted it, messing up all of WALL-Es hard work. He yelped, and she laughed, tossing the toy away. WALL-E, panicked, picked the item up and put it back on its shelf, making sure it was okay.

"Oooooo!" EVE found the many lighters WALL-E held on to. She grabbed one, and lit it, looking at its beauty. She giggled, and found a piece of paper that was lying around. She laughed even more as she set the parchment on fire and began waving it around as WALL-E jumped in surprise. "Party hats!" She cried out, and tossed the flaming paper- and lighter- aside. WALL-E rolled over stomped on the paper, trying to get it out, and eventually succeeded. But when he turned around, he found EVE looking at his spoon and fork collection. She grabbed one, and snapped it in two, like a twig. He screamed as she laughed, and as she took a handful of the forks and broke them all in half. She threw the bits into the air and laughed as they rained down from the sky.

"Eeeeyyyy lookit this…!" WALL-E looked up at EVE as he was picking up the plastic remains of his precious forks. She was staring down at Hal, a bored look on her face. The cockroach squeaked in delight by seeing EVE, and she just cocked her head to the side.

She then squashed him with her hand. And WALL-E freaked. He rushed over to Hal to see if his first friend _ever_ was alive, and when the bug popped up, he was assured that Hal was okay. Assured until EVE squashed him again. For some reason, she got some sort of pleasure out of watching Hal pop back up again, because every time he did, she laughed and moved her body in pleasure.

"Whoa!" He pushed EVE back away from Hal, but the vermin didn't seem to have any problem with being squished constantly. He merely scurried away into his Twinkies. She giggled as he touched her.

"Oh, WALL-E! You dog, you!" WALL-E jumped at this response. "You are _so_ eager, aren't you? Touching a lady like that…" WALL-E shook his head, waving his arms desperately, trying to deny her claims. This just made her go on, though. "Oh, WALL-E… I am yours…" EVE held herself, and WALL-E was scared. "WALL-E, let's #(#!!" EVE lunged at him and he just narrowly dodged her.

"EVAAA!" He screamed, trying to make her stop, but she just kept chasing after him. He tried escaping by climbing the shelves that held all the trinkets of his, but that proved impossible, and just made a mess on the ground that made it even harder to maneuver. He was getting desperate, and started throwing things at her, but that just provoked her chasing even more, and it also made her laugh.

"WALL-E, don't worry! I'll be gentle!" EVE finally grabbed hold of the block like machine, and he fell over, bringing her down to the ground with him. She began laughing, and WALL-E just tried to squirm out of her grip. He felt the end was coming, but then the door to his truck opened, and freedom in a robot rolled in.

"M-O!" WALL-E cried out in relief. M-O looked in confusion to the odd position EVE and WALL-E were in, and thought it strange that they were roughhousing. EVE let go and WALL-E rolled behind his friend and retracted into his box shape, shaking from fear. EVE looked lazily at M-O, and didn't react in any way. Then she glared. Pulling her laser out, she aimed at WALL-E. He jumped. She fired and WALL-E got out of his shell, and began rolling away as fast as he could, as EVE just kept shooting at him. She was screaming random nonsense, and it didn't seem like she had any proper reason for being so mad, but she just was. He looked around desperately for M-O, for backup or **something**, but he was nowhere to be seen. And it was surprising that M-O would betray him like that. But he did, and WALL-E would have to live with it. I mean, if he lived _through_ this experience. But it was a good thing EVE's aim was off tonight, or else he probably would be Swiss cheese by now

But then he got trapped.

Stuck in an ally-way, WALL-E was cornered by EVE and her gun. She couldn't miss, and she probably wouldn't miss despite her wobbly ways. EVE was acting way out of character, and WALL-E didn't know why. And as EVE raised her gun to WALL-E's eye level, he flinched when there was supposed to be him going 'boom, but instead there was a beep noise, followed by a loud 'clang' to the ground. M-O was standing there, and apparently managed to get his hands one of those red things that would shut EVE down with the press of a button. And with a sigh of relief, that nightmare was finally over for WALL-E. Now there was the question of what to do with EVE.

--

"What? You want it removed so soon? It hasn't even been a week!" John looked at WALL-E and EVE, as WALL-E just nodded his head in response.

"Please…" EVE said, cradling her head. John sighed in disappointment.

"Well, okay, but it's a real shame. I thought you two were going to be the ones who enjoyed this feature the most…" John sighed and bent down. He punched in some coordinates in EVE's chest, and a small chip fell off EVE's finger. "There you go."

"Thank you…" EVE replied. She was still holding her head, but she wobbled as she moved, and probably would have fallen over if WALL-E hadn't been holding her steady. She was having what some humans would call a 'hangover', but whatever robots called it, she defiantly did _not _like it.

I mean, really. Who does?

--

**Okay people, look: I know this story is off in so many ways, and I probably got people OOC, but this was done out of boredom, and sometimes a writer just has to do something weird for weirdness sake. And this just kept nagging at the back of my head, and I couldn't help but write it. So deal with it. So please comment, constructive criticism is _encouraged_ and don't be shy! Buy a pie!**

**And the fact that beer can make EVE talk makes me laugh.  
****Just does.  
****Don't know why, 'tho. I'm going to bed, now…**


End file.
